Let me give you an example that I see regularly….
- Lovely client A is desperate to overcome anxiety because it’s really stalling her life. She’s struggling at work to speak up, feel heard and sometimes even walk through a busy office. She’s the CEO.
- Client A is feeling that her partner is becoming too controlling but has nauseating waves of anxiety that stop her from talking about it, or even feeling that she can.
- Things are getting that bad that she’s avoiding dropping her kids off at school, just in case one of the other parents speak to her…because she’s worried she may open her mouth and no words appear, or worse, that she’ll dissolve into a pool of tears.
- Lovely client A spends her life avoiding any situation that she feels may trigger her anxiety. Hey, we’ve all been there!
She’s desperate to be free of anxiety and I know that’s 100% true.
- So why does she not do the bits of homework we discuss?
- Why is she doing things that make the anxiety worse, rather than better (and she knows this)?
- Why does she keep booking in to see me, when she doesn’t want to do the work?
This is the simple truth….
Client A is stuck in the ‘no man’s land’ between wanting to overcome anxiety and not being ready to let it go. It doesn’t matter what the problem is, this happens more often than you think. As soon as I spot it, we have ‘the’ conversation. I usually joke and say that ‘I’ve got a reputation to protect, and I can’t keep seeing you, if you’re not going to get better.’
The truth is that I won’t just keep taking the money. It makes me feel ineffective and demotivated and it makes the client feel that they can’t be helped.
I tell them to come back when they know the time is right. And then we sort it.
I can hear you all asking why client A was resistant to change. We call it secondary gain. If client A was free of anxiety, she knew she’d have to consider leaving her relationship and making staff redundant; neither of which she wanted to do. It was far easier to stay stuck in anxiety, than to move her life on.
Are you ready for change, really ready?
Here for you when you are.
Download my 60 Second Happiness Secret – Your Six Step Plan to Change