Anxiety & Relationships…

The four relationship attachment styles…

Anxiety can play havoc with relationships. It’s not unusual to help clients to overcome anxiety and at some point, answer a few questions to help steer a relationship towards calmer waters.

The thing I usually find out first is about attachment styles. It’s important to find out more about the dynamic you create between you.

Attachment styles are patterns of how we think, feel, and act in close relationships.

They form early in life based on the way we bond (or don’t bond) with our primary caregivers (usually parents).

The four attachment styles are:

  • Secure: trusting, independent but close, and open to expressing affection in confident ways with their partners. 
  • Dismissive-avoidant: aloof, do not feel comfortable with emotional intimacy, and tend to pull away from close others if they feel hurt or rejected. 
  • Anxious-preoccupied: needing reassurance from their partners, seeking closeness and intimacy more intensely and often more quickly than their partner is ready.
  • Fearful-avoidant: a combination of avoidant and anxious, often confused and giving mixed signals of pushing away and craving more connection.


You may not immediately recognise yourself from this list, because you could be unaware of how you behave within a relationship.

Do you recognise yourself in any of the above?